I Wasn’t Even Good Enough at Being Sick

I thought that
because I could not
count each of my 
ribs,
that I was not sick.

I was not
keeping down more 
than one meal a day
but that one meal
made me
believe
that I was not sick.

I searched for
hours and
looked at pictures of girls
who were ill and I
saw that I did not look like
them
so I decided that I was not sick.

So I hid and I
told myself that
until I could count
all if my bones
and I was passing out,
that only then would I
be sick.

Prioritize

A life should not
be spent trying
to become the richest, or the
thinnest, or the most
well known. 

A life should not
be spent purging one’s
self of empathy, love
and warmth;
and bingeing on
followers, and unattainable
standards.

Because at the
end of the day
and at the end of
the world,
our bones will
all decay the same.

When Less is Less

The real killer
is the notion
that a woman
is made to be
wroth less
with each pound gained. 

Conundrum

The notion that you 
must be “good enough”
for someone else
will lead you down dark paths. 

It will lead you to
men who will hurt,
use and undermine you. 

It will lead you to
meals unfinished and
a weight that is never low enough

It will lead you to
jobs that do not
value or fulfill you. 

It will lead you to
nights alone with
nothing but wine and tears.

It will lead you to
fresh wounds at the surface
and wounds never tended to at the core.

It will lead you to 
being fearful of
living a full life. 

It will lead you to
reflections of yourself
that you do not like or recognize. 

You are uniquely you
and so full of potential;
once you realize you are “good enough”
for you, 
the rest of your world will follow.

Handmade

Why do we raise
our daughters to
fear fat,
dread stretch marks,
to feel unease at the thought
of cellulite,
and to crave bones and breasts –
all over intellect and
empathy?

Why do we raise
our sons to
believe that women
should be insecure
and submissive?

Why do we raise
our children this way
and then question how
they became these people?

But

Be smart,
but not too smart;
they might call you
boring.

Be skinny,
but not too skinny;
they might think you have a
problem.

Be confident,
but not too confident;
they might call you
conceited.

Bu pretty,
but not too pretty;
they might think you are
vain.

Be happy,
but not too happy;
they might call you
fake.

Be honest,
but not too honest;
they might think you are
mean.

Be unique,
but not too unique;
they might call you
strange.

Be open,
but not too open;
they might think you are
selfish.

Be fun,
but not too fun;
they might call you
reckless.

Be wholesome,
but not too wholesome;
they might think you are a
prude.

Be kind,
but not too kind;
they might call you a
pushover.

Be real,
but not too real;
they might think you are
fake.