There is a difference
between being lonely
and being alone.
I enjoy being
alone,
but knowing that I have
people, if I need them.
Being lonely
scares me,
because it means that
if I need someone, I have no one.
I find comfort
in solitude,
in being alone.
But being without
the option of turning
to someone,
is paralyzing.
I once heard that
people always leave.
For the longest while,
it seemed to be true.
So I gave up and I
built up walls and I
expected abandonment
both literally and figuratively.
Then it was as if the
World shifted and
the stars realigned;
because people started
to stick around.
I got comfortable and
let my walls fall down.
But hopes are no
exception to the law
of gravity.
I let myself get excited
and I raised my hopes
and I believed that maybe
people wouldn’t leave anymore…
but in one way or another
they always do.
It has happened so often
that I cannot help but
wonder
if it isn’t people and maybe
it’s me.
Maybe tonight seems
too dark. But,
please remember that
the moon and the night
sky always make room
for the sun to rise. Proving
that even the darkest and
most seemingly endless
of nights will give
birth to a new
day. Your tomorrow
can always be
brighter than the
darkness of your
pain today. And no
matter what demons
you are battling; I
promise that though
the fight may be
exhausting, that you
will always be stronger
than any demon
you face. And you
will win this fight.
Full, is the feeling
of freedom. It is
what I used to
fear, I used
to crave the
empty feeling;
the lack of
fullness. I longed
to see bones
and I feared
the possibility
of bloating. Full,
is what I am
now. I am
whole and I
am full. Freedom
is not fear,
it is learning
that what was
assumed to be
failure, is in fact
growth. Freedom,
is the feeling of
fullness.
I have the eyes
of my parents.
When I drive,
I am angry like my father.
I speak in ways
like my mother.
I am blunt and
opinionated like Granny.
I drink vodka,
like Grandma.
Sometimes I am
quiet like Papa.
People tell me all of
these ways that I am like
all of these people;
but no one ever tells me
how I am like you
and forever I will wonder.
Find your words and
hold them close to your
soul. It might be one simple
word, or an entire phrase
long. Repeat it to yourself
not only when times are hard
but also when you are
happy. Let your words serve
as a reminder to always hold
something dear to you. May you
remember that even in the darkest
of nights, your words can act as a
guiding light.
Just as I am, I am enough.
Just as I am, I am enough.
Just as I am, I am enough.
I thought that
because I could not
count each of my
ribs,
that I was not sick.
I was not
keeping down more
than one meal a day
but that one meal
made me
believe
that I was not sick.
I searched for
hours and
looked at pictures of girls
who were ill and I
saw that I did not look like
them
so I decided that I was not sick.
So I hid and I
told myself that
until I could count
all if my bones
and I was passing out,
that only then would I
be sick.
I need you to lay
beside me. Stroke
my back and caress
my soul. I need you
to speak with you
eyes and keep your
lips silent. I need you
to make me forget the
rest of the world and
the problems that
exist outside of
this bed. For the
time we are lying
here I need us to be
the only two people
in existence. I need
everything else
to fade away with
every blink of your
comforting eyes.
Musings of a Millennial 