A fall is not always imminent.
That fluttering combination of nerve and excitement immediately preceding a jump is not always how it happens. It is not always premeditated; sometimes it is totally out of my control.
So curveballs were thrown, plans went to shit, and I ran. I ran so fast that I couldn’t see. Things were passing me by, things that I didn’t want to pass by; things that I wanted to experience. But I kept running and I could not stop and before I knew it I was falling.
I didn’t mean to and I didn’t want to but I was falling.
It was fast and scary and I didn’t mean to do this but now it’s happening and I can’t change it.
I accepted my fate and closed my eyes but the fall didn’t stop.
I felt blissfully out of control. I was at the mercy of gravity and the fates at this point.
For the first time I accepted that I had no say in what was about to happen.
And that was okay.
So I closed my eyes and let the wind hit my body and the cold air felt nice on my tense, tired skin.
I woke up that morning and decided it would be a good day, because I knew
even if I didn’t jump, it was okay to fall.