Not a Choice

So you think an eating disorder is a choice?
That’s okay, you’re not alone. 
But humour me, if you will; and ask read yourself the following statements.
If eating disorders are a choice then…

I chose to feel constantly ashamed of my body.

I chose to be forced to go home from work because I was on the verge of fainting.

I chose to hide in a restaurant bathroom for ten minutes because two girls were making fun of me for throwing up and I didn’t want them to see how fat I really was.

I chose to cry in the mornings getting dressed and looking at my body.

I chose to leave social outings and vomit.

I chose to drink too much so it wouldn’t hurt as bad when I puked.

I chose to search for validation in the wrong places.

I chose to work out in my blistering hot apartment until I was on the verge of passing out.

I choose to not love myself.

I choose to have gained so much weight in recovery.

I choose to think that no one can really love me because of how I look.

I choose to avoid public outings because I don’t want unnecessary people to have to see me.

I choose to be scared of eating in front of people I don’t know.

I choose to be afraid to exercise.

I choose to look at old photos and miss how I used to look.

I chose to do this to myself?

Would you choose this?
I didn’t.

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